Judeau's best last words
by Elin1
Summary: I have pondered, for a while, if there was something else Judeau might have wanted to say to Casca, if he had been given a chance. Then I thought of something. Since I haven't had any inspiration for anything in AGES, I figured I'd share it, even though the topic is wayyyy old. "Judeau? Who's that?" Right...


Judeau's best last words

His feet stumbled and his weight tugged at her shoulder, forcing them to stop. He kept studying her face, knowing only all too well that his feet wouldn't carry him a single step further. Even the crippling pain was ebbing out, slowly being replaced by a numbness too cold and too terrifying to mistake.

Still, as she turned her head to meet his eyes, he smiled at her. It was all he could do for her now.

Her eyes were two dark wellsprings, too deep to fathom. He had always been able to read them. He knew only too well just how much pain, just how much strife and heavy responsibilities that had gathered at the bottom of those pools. He knew every insult, every broken dream, every silently balled fist, and every single unshed tear, that she had buried in that darkness. And he could plainly see that her carefully maintained dams were cracking.

She didn't have to speak, he knew. He had always known. He had always found it so strange that no one else could see how unguarded her eyes were.

_Everything's gone,_ her eyes were saying. _Everything's gone so, so wrong. This can't be happening, it can't, it's impossible, but everyone's dead. Everyone's dead, Judeau! And I couldn't stop it and I couldn't save anyone, and I couldn't save Him, even though we tried so hard, and fought for so long. We've lost everything, everything, but you're here with me and I can save you. You're the only one left. You're all I have. Please let me save you. Please don't let yourself die. If you die, you die for me. You die because I couldn't protect you. Because you had to protect me. Because I am weak and useless and powerless... You can't. You can't. Please, Judeau, you can't._

His smile almost faltered. He was dying. He couldn't stop it. He didn't want to leave her, but the reality of his injuries left him no choice. What could he do, what could he possibly say, that could in any way become some sort of strength to her now? What could he say that could help her carry on on her own?

"...Casca, listen." He felt his facade drop as his brow furrowed in serious earnestness. Hopefully the painful desperation he felt wasn't as visible. She opened her mouth and began to shake her head, but he interrupted her. "No, listen..."

What should he say? His mind raced a million miles in a second, a mad scramble for just the right thing to say, that wouldn't take too long, but would get all of what he had always wanted to say across to her as clearly as possible. His time was running out, and he couldn't leave her like this. Not like this. There was so much he should have told her.

_I love you._ The first thought that blazed through his mind like a white-hot dagger of unbearable honesty, was just as quickly discarded. That might be what he needed to say, but it wasn't what she needed to hear. There were reasons he'd never told her before, and those were as relevant now as ever.

_You're beautiful. You're beautiful when you cry, you're beautiful when you're angry. When you smile, you're more beautiful than I can even say. You're even beautiful when you're killing..._ No. Too long, far too long, and fawning, and corny, and still not what she needed to hear.

_Please don't blame yourself. For this. For anything._ Yes, but no. He knew those words wouldn't help, couldn't change her mindset, nor the guilt she had already taken on.

_You're the most amazing woman I've ever known._ The truth, absolutely, but just not... Right.

_You're the best._ Short, concise, but far too easy to trivialize, or misunderstand.

Her lips tightened. He needed to speak now, before she could interrupt him. He pulled in a short, ragged, somewhat gurgling breath.

"You... You're..."

And then, his smile returned. He felt it shine out of his eyes.

"You're enough." Her eyes widened slightly in confusion, and he kept smiling, wishing he had enough strength left to pull himself up, just slightly, and lean his forehead against hers, or just to put his chin on her shoulder, so that his mouth would be close enough to her ear, so he could make sure that she wouldn't miss a single, precious word.

"No matter... What anyone says... Or what you might be feeling... I just want you to know... You should know... That you're enough. You were always... Enough. You always will be."

For a moment, she just stared blankly at him, then her body tightened almost as if she had been stabbed with a knife, and two big, shiny tears spilled from her eyes and ran down her suddenly contorted face. But she kept her dark eyes on his, and he kept smiling at her, even as the light failed him, and he felt himself slipping off of her shoulder. With his very last breath, he whispered:

"I swear on my life."

He hoped she heard that. He did so love to end things on a light note.


End file.
